TM
Volume
25l
Welcome to Volume 25 of Living on the Edge, the now monthly newsletter from Living Edge Life Coaching, designed to inform, educate, challenge and inspire you!
For previous volumes click here.
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Annabel Varvel Life Coach BA.LLB
COACHING CORNER
Clean up your communication
Have you ever thought of your communication as being something that needs cleaning up? Do you find people being defensive or pulling back from you? Having clean communication in most situations is beneficial but in a relationship between a coach and his/her client it is imperative.
What does "communicating cleanly" mean? It's cleaning up the 'stuff' that can get in the way. Stuff like biases, judgments, unmet needs, shoulds, coulds, agendas, arrogance and fears. Without meaning to we can let these things get in the way of our coaching and sometimes then in the way of our client's progress. The same can be said in different contexts, even in marriage and friendship but I'm going to focus on the coach/client context.
So what do you clean?
Your tone - coolness, flatness, hype, over-excitedness.
Misconceptions. So as not to let your client wonder what you mean, it is better to over-communicate - share your concerns, biases, inklings.
Judgment. You don't have to get rid of judgment, just get real about it - admit it. It's hard to try and be non-judgmental (when you really are judgmental) and have a casual conversation.
Talking about yourself. If you are wanting to talk about yourself/share a personal example etc ask yourself why? Will it benefit your client or is it more about you wanting to connect/be right or prove you understand?
Your expectations of your clients. You need to clean up what you believe success is because what it is for you might be very different for what it is for your clients and you may be placing unrealistic expectations on your clients (together with judgment if they don't meet your definition of success!).
Need to be right. If you feel a need to be right or look competent, this can get in the way of communicating well because the focus is on you, not your client.
How do you do it?
Be yourself.
Accept responsibility. You need to accept responsibility for how you are heard. This needs a significant level of self-awareness.
Express the normal range of emotions. Cleaning up your communication doesn't mean being bland. You're the coach. Let you be you.
Acknowledge your bias. If you have a bias or an opinion (and it's ok to), acknowledge it. It might be just what the client needs to hear. And, by being clean about it, you are being straightforward and ethical - no hidden agendas. Learn to be comfortable with silence. A lot of people, coaches included are often uncomfortable with silence and will talk to fill the gap. Here's the thing... clients are uncomfortable with it, too. So if you let silence happen, the client will be the one to fill it. Usually they'll fill it with something profound. It's in the silence that profoundness occurs.
Don't try too hard. Sometimes you can actually try too hard, and that in itself can get in the way! The key is to eliminate anything that is a 'buffer' between you and your client.
What results can you expect from clean communication?
- clients
will shift from being defensive/pulling back to being responsive,
open and will feel safe.
- you feel relaxed and enjoy the client
- you can be genuinely curious without agenda
- you are responding rather than reacting
- the client doesn't react or resist
- you are fully engaged with your client
- communication is natural and effortless.
Adapted from www.coachville.com
FEEDBACK
Here are some recent comments from readers of Living on the Edge...
Another fantastic edition Annabel! Love the photo too! J.T.
well bit of a challenging message this week .... i guess one could generalise to say a client could be anyone ... B.K.
Thank you, I appreciate the feedback!
LIVING ON THE EDGE GOES MONTHLY
You will now be receiving Living on the Edge in the first week of each month. Until now it has been a fortnightly newsletter but I have found with motherhood and a growing coaching practice I am not having the time to produce the newsletter fortnightly. I hope you continue to enjoy it each month! Thank you, Annabel.
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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
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