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Volume
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Welcome to Volume 14 of Living on the Edge, the fortnightly newsletter from Living Edge Life Coaching, designed to inform, educate, challenge and inspire you!
For previous volumes click here.
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Annabel Varvel
Life Coach BA.LLB
Our little family
COACHING CORNER
Are you speaking the same language? - Part 2
You'd think that in writing the last newsletter about love languages, and knowing that I would be finishing it off this week, that I'd be somewhat 'in tune' with actually practising them! I could blame it on the mushy baby brain I seem to have developed since Alexander was born, or the cazillion hormones wreaking havoc on my body, but for whatever reason I failed dismally in showing Leigh love in HIS language last week.
A quick recap before my confession....The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, explores the different ways we express love to each other and how we like to receive it. If you are not receiving love in 'your language' then you will not feel loved, even though your loved one may be expressing love in a different language. Your 'love tank' will not be full.
The five love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
We looked at the first 2 last time. So let's look at the rest.
Receiving gifts
I think this is fairly self-explanatory. If this is your primary love language, you like to receive gifts! You probably also find yourself loving to buy gifts for others too. The gifts don't necessarily have to be expensive, could just be a flower picked from the garden, or a little chocolate when you're doing the groceries. Then again, it could be an elaborately thought through, hunted down from the other side of the world gift! If this is not your language but it is the language of your partner, try starting small and inexpensive but thoughtfully. It's usually what the gift represents (ie your love) rather than the gift itself that really matters.
Acts of service
Ok, now this is where I have to confess! Last week Leigh came home early from work which was, for me, very exciting (read quality time is probably my second love language) especially as Alexander was a bit grizzly. When he came home he more or less went straight downstairs to do the finishing touches of our airconditioner installation. This practical task was for Leigh, a demonstration of his dying love for me (alright, well maybe not quite consciously!) and when he asked for my help I was well, frankly, abrupt and rude to him (hard to believe I know). It's too long and complicated to really know why, but the point being, I was critical of his love language and his love tank became very low. I learnt a valuable lesson. I am learning to see making Leigh's lunch or occasionally ironing a shirt for him as an act of love rather than just a task. I'm glad we've got many more years to get the love language thing right!!
Physical touch
No this is not necessarily men's primary love language (*grin*). Physical touch does not always read sexual touch (although it certainly can be that). Touch is certainly a well known way to communicate emotional love - apparently we all need 7 hugs each day - so we all need touch even if it's not our primary love language. Learn the types of touch that your partner with this language likes the most - or tell your partner if he's not getting it right. Some people love their feet being massaged, other's can't stand that, but play with their head and they're in heaven. Experiment and have fun!!
READER FEEDBACK
I was talking to one of the pastors from my church and his wife last Sunday and they were saying that after about 25 years of marriage, they have only just recently really got a hold of each other's love languages and after reading the last newsletter have been making a concerted effort to practise them! Fantastic!!
Any other stories or confessions about putting the love languages into action? Email me coach@livingedge.net - you can remain anonymous if I print your story.....
GOT A QUESTION?
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
If you have a question or situation that you would like a life coach's perspective on... email it to coach@livingedge.net and I'll answer in Living on the Edge.
In those whom I like, I can find no common denominator; in those whom I love I can: they all make me laugh.
W. H. Auden, poet
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